Excerpt from a mother's diary #2

The day my son was born, I decided I will be a super mom. I will take care of him, manage the chores along with my job. After three months, I limited my responsibilities to my kid and the office. Today when he is six and half months old, I'm only able to look after my son. The thought of resuming the office is giving me goosebumps.

But this is not the actual cause of my concern. I'm scared of judgments and losing my financial independence. I'm worried if I won't work I'll be deemed a loser. I will be relying on someone else for my expenses. People will judge me for being educated yet just a homemaker. So many suggestions will pour in. "You should have hired a full-time maid." "Grandparents could have taken care of the baby." "Leave child at daycare." "So many working mothers manage, why can't you?"

I know I'm making a big deal out of it. So many women around the globe are managing their job with babies. Hats off to them. Then why can't I? All this is new for me and a bit overwhelming. I can't imagine someone who is not even a distant relative, changing my baby's diaper, feeding him, playing with him, when his mother should be doing all this.

I'm stuck in the middle of a tug of war, and none of the sides are winning. Only a month ago, I was confident that I'll manage anyhow. I'll get a decent job and support my family to the best of my capabilities. But now, every plan is vivid. I have no idea what will happen, which side I'll be inclined to. I know the solution lies somewhere in the middle of all chaos. And I won't quit without trying, for my son and myself.

 

P.S. I will come back and let you know what I did and how it went.

Image sourced from google images.


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