An inevitable transition...!

I was in school, when this one time my nanaji and my father both were extremely sick. Being from a middle class family, I have never witnessed any public display of affection between my parents. They only used to talk about the ration, bills and our school fees. The whole situation unknowingly convinced me that my mother did not love my father or his side of family. On the other hand, nanaji was mother’s best friend. They always stayed updated with each other’s life even in the postcard era.  

Despite of sharing a stronger bond with her father, mother decided to stay with her husband instead. I clearly remember mentoring my brain for the possibility that I might had to take care of papa. But when she didn't leave. I questioned her, “why?” To which she immediately replied, “Because this is my home and my priorities lies here. You will understand when you will grow older.” Strange! I thought.  

I am older now and have been married since last 3 years yet I did not find the answer to my follow up question, which was, “maa, when did you accept papa’s family as your own family?” 

Even today, when someone asks, “when are you going home?” I think about my maiden home. When friends question about parent’s health; image of my parents pops up. I am not saying I do not like my in-laws. They are lovely people and care about me a great deal. Yet it feels difficult to accept them as my OWN wholeheartedly, or without efforts. I am sure every girl feels this way at least once in her life. I yearn to find when exactly the emotional transition happens. When a bahu/biwi takes over a beti? 

And most important, should I feel bad about this? May be not, then why do I feel guilty? Should I blame the societal construct, or what my mother did her whole life? Even in 21st century, a girl’s maiden family is not her actual family. Why at every now and then pooja or ritual, she is reminded that she belongs to this new family now. That she needs to forget what she has learned since childhood and adopt to new ways and virtues.  

I remember pondering about these questions profoundly as a teenager, never had thought I would write about them as an introspection. I'm leaving this blog incomplete. May be someday will complete it , either with some treasured experience or  succumbed heart.   


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